Friday 17 July 2009

Writer's Block?

Not necessarily. It has been three and a half months since my last post and I apologize for neglecting my writing. It’s not that I don’t have anything going on, I have plenty but the interesting subjects in my life involve men and dating or topics I hesitate to disclose.
My ex-husband sent me a text one evening asking that I please don’t write about our sexless marriage and, to post a disclaimer that during our relationship I had lesbian tendencies that didn’t coincide with his 14 lb. you know what. He always managed to make me laugh. For example, a year ago I placed a call to him out of the blue (it had been five years since we last spoke). I had wanted to apologize to him for making him out to be a jerk and take responsibility for the role I played in the failure of our marriage. When he answered I said “Hi, it’s Sandi”
His silence prompted me to state my full name upon which he replied “Ah! You’ve come crawling back!” I couldn’t help but crack up.
I had the pleasure of catching up with him on my recent trip back to San Diego last month and feel very blessed to have had shared the wonderful experience of marriage with him. Now back to my reason of not blogging.
So last week I, along with my friends Tracy, Erin, and Patricia, attended a last minute casting call for a reality show based on four single girlfriends living in Chicago… a Sex and The City spin-off. Tracy and I were contacted the night before with the request to attend and while I was contemplating it, Tracy jumped on it. The following morning we found ourselves answering a six page personal questionnaire regarding our friendship and dating history with a 3pm appointment set for us four to attend. Patricia wasn’t physically available but they agreed to shoot our interview while holding a laptop between the three of us so the camera could catch Patricia on Skype webcam. The first question was for each of us to state which character of Sex and The City we most resemble. Mine was a combination of Charlotte and Samantha.
Along with my deep esteem for the late Audrey Hepburn, I make it a point to carry myself with class, style, and charm BUT it doesn’t take away from the pleasure I have in being sensual. During our individual interviews, I found it very easy to disclose a couple of past events involving my sexual adventures. I’m finally at a point in my life where I feel extremely comfortable with my body and my natural desires, plus discovering what works for me and bold enough to request it.
At the same time, I am conscious of my relationships with the young adults in my life, mainly from my church youth group, who might come across my writings and the responsibility I have as their role-model and mentor.
Along with the youth, the recent men I have dated might not approve of my free-style confessions. There are two reasons within us that decide our actions; one is to look good and the other is to avoid looking bad. I want to avoid looking bad.
So with the exception of my friends and family, I will always use fictitious names when it comes to men and intimacy plus, I have decided to keep my confessions extremely past tense…at least three months out.
This present moment I am finally done grieving the loss of an unavailable man along with letting go of a potential rebound that assisted in my grieving process. And the letting go of Mr. Rebound was aided by a serendipitous encounter this past Friday with a handsome New Yorker who asked to split a cab from the West Loop to the Trump Hotel.

Dear friends, life is GREAT and the energy in this city is absolutely magnificent! Talk about appreciation, this city explodes after four months of hibernation. There’s always around five major events going on every weekend entailing food, music, and spirits along with lower-scale affairs.