Stop! Drop!...and Roll!

Monday was moving day for me and I am now living with a very close friend of mine, Tracy whom I originally met back in San Diego. Last September I was very saddened to hear that she was moving to Chicago but, little did we know that we’d be reunited soon there after. We kicked off the celebration with an evening of backgammon at The Parthenon restaurant in the company of our sensational friend, Patricia. Afterwards the three of us met up with one of Tracy’s beaus at The Peninsula Lounge and somewhere around 1 a.m. the question “what’s one of the craziest things you’ve ever done?” arose. Here is ONE of my personal memories I shared that night:

About three years ago I was the third wheel of a date with a friend of mine at The Cannery in Newport Beach, CA. We were through with dinner by 8:30 p.m. and Niki asked Mike if we could go to a strip bar. Now, besides the male stripper at my bachelorette party back in 2001, I had never entertained an evening at a gentleman’s club and my eyes lit up at the thought of a new experience. I said “Yes! I’ve never had a lap dance by another woman and would like to see what it would be like.” Mike drove us to The Library a few miles away and upon paying our entrance fee, the gentleman at the door asked if we were there for amateur night. I said no, I am here to get my very first lap dance and in we went. I carefully assessed the inventory of vixens parading around the room to select the perfect one for a memorable first experience. Within a couple of minutes a beauty approached me and asked if I was there for their amateur night. I said no and stated my true intentions. She encouraged me to consider it and my friend Niki egged this notion as well.
“Are you kidding!” I mocked, “I’ll be like Lucy Ricardo up on that stage! Besides, I don’t have an outfit.” Next thing I know I’m in the dressing room looking through corsets, and three tequila shots later I’m standing in a line backstage with the selection of two Prince songs and ‘Rio’ as my stage name. Seeing that Niki had a background in professional dancing, her advice was to dance really slow, circle the stage a couple of times and stay clear of the pole. If anxiety sets in due to lack of moves then your next move is to Stop! Drop on your knees and crawl, then Roll back into another move.
By the time my number came up the tequila was starting to create an unpleasant feeling of constipation clearly not aiding my nerves. Then the girl behind me shoved me through the velvet curtain into the blinding colorful lights. You have NO idea how long one song can be under such circumstances. I did my slow, stage parading moves (1 minute) and, I glanced at the pole knowing my paralytic future that would await me if I attempted anything creative. With that in mind, I proceeded to play it safe by only rubbing my arse up and down the side of the pole. By this point I couldn’t tell the laughter apart from the applause and my moves had been exhausted. Anxiety had set in so I proceeded with the Stop! Drop! and Roll! advice. Then song number TWO came on….aggghhhh, stop the bleeding! I repeated the whole Lucy Ricardo stint but this time my drop went into a scissors split pose- OUCH! and my roll was off the stage onto the floor where my friends graciously pick me up.
I won second place that night with a $600 reward for my entertainment and that was the last night The Library opened their doors.