BTW- I'm Married.

My social fluttering has not diminished in any way since I moved here. As a matter of fact, the momentum is starting to pick up with spring events. I went to an event the other night with a friend of mine whom I will refer to as Robert. I’ve known Robert for some time now (he’s a co-collaborator of mine turned friend) and our interaction has been nothing more then friendly. Anyway, towards the end of the event he mentioned his wife in conversation. Taken aback, I told him “Robert, I had no idea you were married? All this time I’ve known you, you have never mentioned your wife. I’ve heard about your ex-wife and your children but not your present wife.”
Surprised himself, Robert responded “really, you didn’t know?” and lifted up his wedding finger.
I told him that I am awful when it comes to looking at anyone’s wedding ring and fingers and, that I just found it interesting that he hadn’t mentioned his wife that’s all. An hour later Robert asked that we discuss the topic again and I could sense a bit of apprehension. He said he realizes that he hasn’t mentioned his spouse and that it was a subconscious act. He recalled a past dinner we had to address career prospecting issues and, although we picked the restaurant on a whim, he felt it was a romantic setting. I on the other hand felt like I was reliving an Al Capone scene. I clarified to Robert that the romantic setting he felt wasn’t so for me then I shared my views on marriage and infidelity.
Forever is a long time when you aren’t happy or living a fulfilling life with someone. As for me, my enthusiastic lovelorn stroll down the church isle turned into an escape strategy after five years of marriage. I found myself trapped in turmoil which had developed within me after our marriage grew distant and our sexual compatibility became non-existent. Chris is still the wonderful person I had married back in 2001 but our time together just simply passed and the saddest part for me was that our love wasn’t strong enough to withstand the trials and tribulations of a relationship. I saw the funeral of our marriage coming along with the wake of heartache it was going to cause and recalled the powerful vows I had professed to Chris in front of all our loved ones. I honestly saw myself growing old with him and loving it. Like “The Notebook!” God, we were sooo in love once.
It took me two years of Pro’s and Con’s lists to realize it was time to quit something that wasn’t working for either of us- mainly because it wasn’t working for me. There are many people who don’t leave their marriages because the prospect of a new life seems like such a hassle. The day I left Chris was the day I accepted the fact that I no longer loved him enough…the time had come to set us free. Otherwise, I would have found opportunities to not mention the fact that I was married- just like Robert.
I could see the embarrassment and angst in Robert’s eyes and I assured him that I didn’t think he was a pervert in any way. I'm someone who negotiates with muggers so it's safe to enter my arena. He is just someone living an unfulfilling life and needs to find peace. It won't happen with me because my heart belongs to someone else right now.