My One Year Anniversary!

Writer’s block again? NOPE. I’ve just been extremely busy with getting my business going and needed to work through a couple of emotional phunks.

I have been in this city for a year now and feel very settled in. Recently I was asked by a new acquaintance if I had made any friends since I moved and the immense smile that spilled onto my face caused me to reflect on the tight group of loving friends that I have in Chicago. I feel very blessed to have attracted the cream of Chicago’s society. I want to take this moment to acknowledge an amazing individual, my dear friend, Adam McLain. Adam was and is a powerful instrument, not only in my life but everyone else that knows him. He is a gateway to the cream of inspiring like-minded individuals that live in this city. His positive, loving character is so contagious that you want to be around his energy all the time.

My business is finally taking flight and I hired my first two employees a couple of weeks ago. It’s not easy to pick up and leave a west coast lifestyle, especially the cream of San Diego and Puerto Vallarta but God- it’s REALLY EXCITING to see what tomorrow brings. It can be a very hard and sorrowful day OR it can be the best day of YOUR Life! I would have never imagined 18 months ago that I would be A) living on Lake Shore Drive and B) owning my own company. More importantly, I would have NEVER, in a million years, imagined that it would take the loss of the greatest love of my life to have such an extraordinary life. So many ask why the hell would I leave San Diego and my work in Puerto Vallarta to start all over in Chicago? My youngest brother Randy of eighteen years old committed suicide by a gunshot wound to his head on August 25th 2008 around 1p. The day of his funeral I offered my Mother to do her hair and she said she hadn’t washed it since Randy’s death. I stepped into the shower with my Mother and washed her hair. Five minutes later my nephew Noah climbs into the shower with us butt-naked and asks that I wash his hair too. That was the moment I decided to move back home after eleven years. I don’t want to miss the next opportunity to wash my loved one’s hair.

I miss my brother so very, very much and I feel extremely blessed to be his sister, to be my father and mother’s daughter, to be an aunt… to be your friend. Thank you and MAKE IT A GREAT DAY! It was created just for you :-)

p.s. To my friends in San Diego & Puerto Vallarta, I miss and love you all. Thank you for CONSTANTLY being in contact and for all the special trips many of you have taken to Chicago to be with me. I will visit you soon when the winter has settled in.

Writer's Block?

Not necessarily. It has been three and a half months since my last post and I apologize for neglecting my writing. It’s not that I don’t have anything going on, I have plenty but the interesting subjects in my life involve men and dating or topics I hesitate to disclose.
My ex-husband sent me a text one evening asking that I please don’t write about our sexless marriage and, to post a disclaimer that during our relationship I had lesbian tendencies that didn’t coincide with his 14 lb. you know what. He always managed to make me laugh. For example, a year ago I placed a call to him out of the blue (it had been five years since we last spoke). I had wanted to apologize to him for making him out to be a jerk and take responsibility for the role I played in the failure of our marriage. When he answered I said “Hi, it’s Sandi”
His silence prompted me to state my full name upon which he replied “Ah! You’ve come crawling back!” I couldn’t help but crack up.
I had the pleasure of catching up with him on my recent trip back to San Diego last month and feel very blessed to have had shared the wonderful experience of marriage with him. Now back to my reason of not blogging.
So last week I, along with my friends Tracy, Erin, and Patricia, attended a last minute casting call for a reality show based on four single girlfriends living in Chicago… a Sex and The City spin-off. Tracy and I were contacted the night before with the request to attend and while I was contemplating it, Tracy jumped on it. The following morning we found ourselves answering a six page personal questionnaire regarding our friendship and dating history with a 3pm appointment set for us four to attend. Patricia wasn’t physically available but they agreed to shoot our interview while holding a laptop between the three of us so the camera could catch Patricia on Skype webcam. The first question was for each of us to state which character of Sex and The City we most resemble. Mine was a combination of Charlotte and Samantha.
Along with my deep esteem for the late Audrey Hepburn, I make it a point to carry myself with class, style, and charm BUT it doesn’t take away from the pleasure I have in being sensual. During our individual interviews, I found it very easy to disclose a couple of past events involving my sexual adventures. I’m finally at a point in my life where I feel extremely comfortable with my body and my natural desires, plus discovering what works for me and bold enough to request it.
At the same time, I am conscious of my relationships with the young adults in my life, mainly from my church youth group, who might come across my writings and the responsibility I have as their role-model and mentor.
Along with the youth, the recent men I have dated might not approve of my free-style confessions. There are two reasons within us that decide our actions; one is to look good and the other is to avoid looking bad. I want to avoid looking bad.
So with the exception of my friends and family, I will always use fictitious names when it comes to men and intimacy plus, I have decided to keep my confessions extremely past tense…at least three months out.
This present moment I am finally done grieving the loss of an unavailable man along with letting go of a potential rebound that assisted in my grieving process. And the letting go of Mr. Rebound was aided by a serendipitous encounter this past Friday with a handsome New Yorker who asked to split a cab from the West Loop to the Trump Hotel.

Dear friends, life is GREAT and the energy in this city is absolutely magnificent! Talk about appreciation, this city explodes after four months of hibernation. There’s always around five major events going on every weekend entailing food, music, and spirits along with lower-scale affairs.

BTW- I'm Married.

My social fluttering has not diminished in any way since I moved here. As a matter of fact, the momentum is starting to pick up with spring events. I went to an event the other night with a friend of mine whom I will refer to as Robert. I’ve known Robert for some time now (he’s a co-collaborator of mine turned friend) and our interaction has been nothing more then friendly. Anyway, towards the end of the event he mentioned his wife in conversation. Taken aback, I told him “Robert, I had no idea you were married? All this time I’ve known you, you have never mentioned your wife. I’ve heard about your ex-wife and your children but not your present wife.”
Surprised himself, Robert responded “really, you didn’t know?” and lifted up his wedding finger.
I told him that I am awful when it comes to looking at anyone’s wedding ring and fingers and, that I just found it interesting that he hadn’t mentioned his wife that’s all. An hour later Robert asked that we discuss the topic again and I could sense a bit of apprehension. He said he realizes that he hasn’t mentioned his spouse and that it was a subconscious act. He recalled a past dinner we had to address career prospecting issues and, although we picked the restaurant on a whim, he felt it was a romantic setting. I on the other hand felt like I was reliving an Al Capone scene. I clarified to Robert that the romantic setting he felt wasn’t so for me then I shared my views on marriage and infidelity.
Forever is a long time when you aren’t happy or living a fulfilling life with someone. As for me, my enthusiastic lovelorn stroll down the church isle turned into an escape strategy after five years of marriage. I found myself trapped in turmoil which had developed within me after our marriage grew distant and our sexual compatibility became non-existent. Chris is still the wonderful person I had married back in 2001 but our time together just simply passed and the saddest part for me was that our love wasn’t strong enough to withstand the trials and tribulations of a relationship. I saw the funeral of our marriage coming along with the wake of heartache it was going to cause and recalled the powerful vows I had professed to Chris in front of all our loved ones. I honestly saw myself growing old with him and loving it. Like “The Notebook!” God, we were sooo in love once.
It took me two years of Pro’s and Con’s lists to realize it was time to quit something that wasn’t working for either of us- mainly because it wasn’t working for me. There are many people who don’t leave their marriages because the prospect of a new life seems like such a hassle. The day I left Chris was the day I accepted the fact that I no longer loved him enough…the time had come to set us free. Otherwise, I would have found opportunities to not mention the fact that I was married- just like Robert.
I could see the embarrassment and angst in Robert’s eyes and I assured him that I didn’t think he was a pervert in any way. I'm someone who negotiates with muggers so it's safe to enter my arena. He is just someone living an unfulfilling life and needs to find peace. It won't happen with me because my heart belongs to someone else right now.

We're Not in Kansas Anymore Toto!

I was mugged this past Friday on my way to work. Chicago’s subway system for the most part runs above street level but a good portion runs below ground. I was amidst a popular shopping district at the time of my incident. There is a Crate & Barrel, Pottery Barn, Old Navy, Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, and other brand concept stores within a one mile radius, plus it was 11 o’clock in the morning!
After purchasing a transit card, I proceeded down the stairs to the lower platform where I noticed a city attendant sweeping and collecting waste from the garbage container. I also noticed the mid-forties male wearing an orange, pull-over hoodie and brown baseball cap. He was happily whistling and did not come across as a derelict. The city attendant eventually left and you could hear the sound of the train coming. I looked down the tunnel glad to see headlights and caught the gentleman’s glance. “How’s it going?” he asked. “Great” I said and looked down at my iPhone to confirm the time, 11:08 a.m. I’m doing great time I thought and threw my phone in my purse. I then noticed him walking towards me but the train was on it’s way full of people that I thought nothing of it…plus he was still whistling like a seventh dwarf.
Next thing I know an arm comes across my shoulder and around my neck from behind. I immediately thought he was hugging me and trying to come onto me because he wasn’t forceful. “Hello?” I said.
“Give me your wallet.” He demanded with a whispering voice. I then realized he didn’t want to hug or kiss nor, did he seem to be carrying a weapon.
“My wallet? You don’t want my wallet!” I told him. So many things flood through your head in circumstances like these and you never know how you’ll react. Panic, scream, cry, faint, jolt, or start flailing about. I resorted to reasoning with him in a calming manner.
“Just give me your wallet!” he persisted.
“Honey, I’m telling you, you don’t want my wallet. My cards are maxed out and you’ll get nothing out of them.”
“I just saw you get cash.”
I reached into my front pocket and pulled out two $20 bills and said “here, take the cash but you don’t really want my wallet.”
Ladies and Gentlemen, he insisted on asking for my credit cards and wouldn’t take my money. Okay, where is the fricken train! This guy is not only nervous but, he is not a professional mugger. A professional would have whacked me in the face by now and snatched my purse- not listen to my negotiating tactics. Okay, I am going to stall until that train pulls up so the herd can pour out and scare him off. I opened my purse pretending to look for my wallet and saw my iPhone right away. OMG, I can’t afford to replace my iPhone again! He started to reach in and I grabbed his hand, “just wait a minute! I will give you my wallet!” and handed it to him. He grabbed it and started to run up the stairwell which, at that point the train was FINALLY pulling up so I began to run after him. I grabbed his hood and he turned around and pushed me down. At this point I quickly gathered my purse and hopped on the train. Once inside I realized how naïve, chancy and lucky I was. SAN DIEGO GIRL FOR SURE. Well, I now carry mace plus a whistle with me and, I will be holding a self-defense intro at my home in the next few weeks.

Stop! Drop!...and Roll!

Monday was moving day for me and I am now living with a very close friend of mine, Tracy whom I originally met back in San Diego. Last September I was very saddened to hear that she was moving to Chicago but, little did we know that we’d be reunited soon there after. We kicked off the celebration with an evening of backgammon at The Parthenon restaurant in the company of our sensational friend, Patricia. Afterwards the three of us met up with one of Tracy’s beaus at The Peninsula Lounge and somewhere around 1 a.m. the question “what’s one of the craziest things you’ve ever done?” arose. Here is ONE of my personal memories I shared that night:

About three years ago I was the third wheel of a date with a friend of mine at The Cannery in Newport Beach, CA. We were through with dinner by 8:30 p.m. and Niki asked Mike if we could go to a strip bar. Now, besides the male stripper at my bachelorette party back in 2001, I had never entertained an evening at a gentleman’s club and my eyes lit up at the thought of a new experience. I said “Yes! I’ve never had a lap dance by another woman and would like to see what it would be like.” Mike drove us to The Library a few miles away and upon paying our entrance fee, the gentleman at the door asked if we were there for amateur night. I said no, I am here to get my very first lap dance and in we went. I carefully assessed the inventory of vixens parading around the room to select the perfect one for a memorable first experience. Within a couple of minutes a beauty approached me and asked if I was there for their amateur night. I said no and stated my true intentions. She encouraged me to consider it and my friend Niki egged this notion as well.
“Are you kidding!” I mocked, “I’ll be like Lucy Ricardo up on that stage! Besides, I don’t have an outfit.” Next thing I know I’m in the dressing room looking through corsets, and three tequila shots later I’m standing in a line backstage with the selection of two Prince songs and ‘Rio’ as my stage name. Seeing that Niki had a background in professional dancing, her advice was to dance really slow, circle the stage a couple of times and stay clear of the pole. If anxiety sets in due to lack of moves then your next move is to Stop! Drop on your knees and crawl, then Roll back into another move.
By the time my number came up the tequila was starting to create an unpleasant feeling of constipation clearly not aiding my nerves. Then the girl behind me shoved me through the velvet curtain into the blinding colorful lights. You have NO idea how long one song can be under such circumstances. I did my slow, stage parading moves (1 minute) and, I glanced at the pole knowing my paralytic future that would await me if I attempted anything creative. With that in mind, I proceeded to play it safe by only rubbing my arse up and down the side of the pole. By this point I couldn’t tell the laughter apart from the applause and my moves had been exhausted. Anxiety had set in so I proceeded with the Stop! Drop! and Roll! advice. Then song number TWO came on….aggghhhh, stop the bleeding! I repeated the whole Lucy Ricardo stint but this time my drop went into a scissors split pose- OUCH! and my roll was off the stage onto the floor where my friends graciously pick me up.
I won second place that night with a $600 reward for my entertainment and that was the last night The Library opened their doors.

Facebook Friend Request

I get a bit annoyed with friends-of-friends who send me a friend request WITH OUT an attempt of a friendly conversation or form of introduction at least. Once I recognize the connection I’ll contact my dear friend to inquire about this interloper. What irks me even more is when my dear friend has no clue of who this person is, “I don’t know who she is really. They requested me through another friend”…Ughhh, where’s the authenticity you social whore! And I say this with great love because those dear friends are welcoming souls at heart.
In the tangible world we approach people of interest by introductions and conversations, do we not? I had brought up this topic with my new business associate recently and asked her if she was familiar with ASW. Not only is she familiar but she is a member of ASW. ASW membership is by invitation only, and members who meet specific criteria are granted invitation privileges. Although I have been accepted into “The Circle of Trust” I do not have invitation privileges…yet! As a member you are held to strict agreements on the authenticity of your profile AND, you are not allowed to request a connection with another member unless there is a genuine connection between you both outside this network. A ‘Three strikes your out!’ rule applies if your connection request is denied a third time so you might want to give that prospect a heads up that you will be sending him or her a request. ASW’s intricate and secured membership practice preserves the authenticity of its members and has no tolerance for interlopers.
So Woop-di-doo! There’s a fancy-shmansy secret club out there where cool people belong to. Reminds you of the in-crowd back in high school huh? It goes beyond that really. This private international community consists of highly influential people that are connected by 3 degrees. People who are leaders, motivators, gurus, and powerful in how they choose to live their lives. There is great enlightenment to be gained when you surround yourself or are amongst powerful, ambitious, and successful like-minded individuals. Individuals who are playing big games in life and at the same time empowering those around them. I’m looking for big games to play:)
So put good principles in place when making friend requests, and the fact that you have hundreds of genuine Facebook friends proudly confirms that you are a powerful and HIGHLY influential person who leaves an impression…Bravo for playing the game!

A Dire Attempt to Keep Busy!

I originally set up this blog back in November after reading Tiffany’s, which inspired me to post my personal thoughts and experiences as well. Tiffany and I met shortly before our individual departure from sunny San Diego back in September and we connected instantaneously! By November she had jetted off to Dubai and I had driven cross country with my sister, Lisa to Chicago.

Chicago has done nothing but blessed me day in and day out with inspirational and motivational energy beyond belief! And, a certain gentleman, whom I’ll refer to as Grand, has broken through five years of guarded vulnerability. A vulnerability disguised by an independent, blissfully single self and living life on my own terms. I want to share and incorporate my life terms with Mr. Grand, only problem is that his terms are not available. Bitter sweet- I know! but the best way to mend a broken heart and stop chasing Grand ghosts is to sign up for everything! So I have registered for three half-marathons this coming year (I've never ran over 3 miles honestly) and this Monday I embarked on two new business ventures with the introduction to an office downtown. But why stop there, I also took on some community projects AND this blog will fill in the cracks :)

Without further a ‘do…Welcome to Chicago through my eyes and I anticipate that my words will touch, move, and inspire you.

p.s. There is no doubt in my mind that Ms. Tiffany and I shared a past life (Mr. Grand too).